Thursday, September 16, 2010

A "Wild" Post, Because You Asked

By Dan Moser

So, okay, I know what you, my loyal reader is thinking. "Dan, what gives? I thought this blog was supposed to make me laugh be on the Edmonton Oilers, why are you putting up a post on the Minnesota Wild? I know for a fact you can't even spell Minnesota correctly without spellcheck!"

First of all reader, you're only half right. I didn't use spellcheck, I used Google. Second of all (if I still have your attention) let me explain myself. I am 24, male, obsessed with hockey, I once created a Facebook account for this guy, and I'm new to this game but I guess I am a "blogger" who "blogs" exclusively on hockey. It goes without saying that I do not come in contact with many girls, let alone girls that are interested in hockey, therefore when a girl asks me to write a piece on the Minnesota Wild I don't really have much of a choice. The moral to this story is ask me to do something, and I'll probably say yes (that line assumes that you are a girl reading this blog). So with the explanation out of the way, I hope you enjoy this post, it's for you.
Last Season
There was a lot of optimism surrounding the Wild last season, well at least there was from my point of view. Every season for the past decade I have been forced to watch at least six games a year featuring the Wild and the Oilers and it's a guarantee every season that those games will be the most boring of the season. Last season was the first year the Wild were without original team Head Coach Jacques Lemaire. Lemaire, as a coach, is not a fan of offence in hockey. He prefers to have him team turn the fastest game on ice into a game of battleship. So a lack of Lemaire (that would make a great Wild blog name) should have automatically infused the team with offensive drive and made them entertaining. Think again.

Ways to make your hockey team more difficult to watch:
  1. Let Marian Gaborik leave
  2. Replace him with Martain Havlat (I always thought he would make a better soccer player anyway with the way he dives and kicks)
  3. Make sure your next best offensive weapon is small and gets hurt easily (Pierre-Marc Bouchard)
  4. Once Bouchard gets hurt (and he will) the next offensive weapon should be a player who has bounced around expansion teams his whole career (Andrew Brunette)
  5. Play Derek Boogaard
  6. When in doubt revert to old tendencies and TRAP TRAP TRAP

So which of these were the Wild guilty of last season (38-36-8, 84 points; fourth in the Northwest; 13th in the Western Conference)? I'll let you figure that one out.

2000-2010 Minnesota Wild Power Play

2010/11 - A Second Chance!
That's right, a second chance, that is the way Wild fans and team management should be viewing the coming season. This time hopefully they will shed the Lemairesq defensive game and make their games worth watching. Based on what they have done this offseason though, I wouldn't bet on it. 

In addition to the above list, the Wild have let Derek Boogaard and his bash brother "Big" John Scott go, allow the ageless wonder Owen Nolan to leave, signed Captain Saku Mikko Koivu to a silly contract, and signed some bit players to go along with an already unimpressive core of bit players and cast-offs from other teams. Stop me when you think the team has actually gotten better this offseason.

So for humour's (yeah Leah that's how it's spelt) sake and to fill space lets look at the Wild's offseason acquisitions. I ask that while you read this you keep in mind the Wild are trying to move away from a defence first game. First on the docket, John Madden. Hmmm where have I heard of this guy? Oh yeah he is the defensive specialist who scored a single goal in the playoffs with the Blackhawks.

Okay, well how about Matt Cullen then? During the NHL lock-out he led the Italian League in scoring with 27 goals and 33 assists. Hmm well you could ask Ottawa Senator fans (yes they are real) about his offensive production......ah hell it will take you too long to track down a Sens fan, the guy scored 4 goals in his 21 Senator games and was known primarily for, get this, his defensive game.

I'd talk about Eric Nystrom but I don't want to waste your time. This is the biggest impact he has had on hockey. The guy is a fourth liner, not known for his offensive skill. Needless to say, Minnesota Wild fan's should be excited. 
No words
Things I like about the Wild
Okay, that was mean. There are a couple things I do actually like about the Minnesota Wild. I like their third jersey, even if it is a complete rip off of the Michigan State Spartans Jersey
Cal Buttercup wearing a nice jersey on my copy of NHL10
I just think it's a classy looking jersey, nice and simple, and much much nicer than their Christmas Jerseys. The player featured above is the other reason I like the Wild. Cal Clutterbuck may not be much of a hockey player, but he hits everything that moves. It's not even that he is a great hitter, he is just always hitting and I find that entertaining, and I can respect that. Also, his ability to grow facial hair rivals my own


  1. Sorry bud, this I found it when I was looking on youtube for clips from Slap Shot bored outta my mind one day (Welcome to my life in St Catharines)

  2. Also if you don't click on ALL 3 trap links you're wasting your time.